1. A best friend is someone who is there for you in your darkest times. If your best friend is only there in the bright, light times, they’re not your best friend.

  2. I invented some new masturbation euphemisms:

    • Workin’ your gherkin
    • Tickle your pickle

  3. Where I go, go, trouble seems to follow.

    — FOB

  4. No one should ever ask this question ever.

    No one should ever ask this question ever.

  5. So close.

    So close.

  7. Not a single fuck was given that day.

    Not a single fuck was given that day.

  9. Awesome.

    Awesome.

  10. Man these are awesome.

    Man these are awesome.

  11. It’s good to have land.

    It’s good to have land.

  12. That dude just got ate.

    That dude just got ate.

  13. When signing up to a website.

    When signing up to a website.

  14. It’s a miracle!

    It’s a miracle!

  15. I know the feeling.

    I know the feeling.